We Are Happy Customers - Anonymous :)
10 Apr 2008
Hey, we are all living in 2008, not 1998. Your website is far too slow. And, my patience cannot be tested. That's it. Well, perhaps there is something we can do about it. Tell us now.
Your Website Is Too Slow
Background
Skip this part if background does not interest you :-)
There are many reasons for a website to run slow on your computer, and we will only talk about a few of them here (do not want to tell a long grandfather story) :
a. Bad Web Design
i. You use too many images
ii. Perhaps too many tables too
iii. And the page is too long
b. Browser Type
i. Mozilla FireFox (FF)
ii. Internet Explorer (IE)
c. Internet Speed
i. Some people uses 512 Mb
ii. Some fellow uses 1024 Mb
iii. Some blokes uses more or less
d. Internet Service Provider, known as ISP
i. Malaysia - Streamyx
ii. Singapore - StartHub
For instance, Tsunami broke the under sea connection pipe
For instance, lightning broke the connectivity or kill the servers, etc (Regional effects)
e. Spyware / Virus / Worms / Trojan Horses, known as malware
i. It will eat up all your Internet bandwidth, left you with only 6 pennies. (Because : Sixpence none the richer)
ii. It will eat up all your computer memory - Symptom : Slower if online; faster if offline
iii. It will steal all your data on your computer (What about CreditCard? Yes)
iv. It will open up ports for other malware to enter - (Security threats? Yes)
v. More? Yes. Go and do your own research.
Solutions
Skip this part if you do not want to know the solutions. :-)
a. Time Management
Let's diversify and make good use of your time. Do you know that you can do many things at the same time, while waiting for the website to load? (Remember : For OK OK computer only)
i. Read up a good article. Eg, What Makes People Successful - http://www.jobsdb.com.sg/SG/EN/v6HTML/Article/JS/199/199.htm
ii. Chat with your friends (Say what? Oh yes, chat with your friends)
(Load the website : http://potatocream.com and start MSN)
Apple : How are you doing?
Orange : Why ask?
Apple : Why cant i ask?
Orange : ...
Apple : Why .....?
Orange : I think you are too bored
Apple : Yes, i am
Orange : Hahahahaha :-D
Apple : Why laugh?
Orange : Cannot mer? Cheh
Apple : I think you are too bored
Orange : Copycat..
Apple : Copy dog..
(And 30 minutes has already passed without you even realizing it, and it should be time to check out the new dresses, skirts and blouses at our website)
iii. Do your works
Sure you have something to do at the same time.
(Load the website and start doing your works)
Eg, Students will do the research online - for assignments
Eg, Workers will work during office hours - Accounting, Programming, etc
Eg, Hackers will hack any servers they encounter (Hey, this is harmful. Stop that.)
Eg, Fishermen will go out to the sea at night, and return in the morning (Silly example)
(By the time you are tired, you can check out the website and relax.) :-)
Well, you get what we meant, there are many things you can do while waiting for the website to get loaded. It should take around 120 seconds to load the home page of PotatoCream.com
b. Bad Web Design
Apple : You should not design your home page to be so long
Boy : There are too many images on the home page
Cat : It should be categorized smaller (with different categories)
Dog : You should have page 1, 2, 3 and so on. Make the page shorter and smaller
No, we refuse. We want to keep the page big and bulky and full of colors. We like 1 page full of images and clothes. It makes people feel happier, at least it makes us feel happier. LOL. Sorry, we just want to be ourself.
C. Browser Type
FireFox runs much faster and more securely than Internet Explorer. That's a fact, accept it. Swap it to FireFox and that will solve half of your problem. How do we know? Try typing http://potatocream.com on FireFox and later (supposed to be faster) on Internet Explorer, FireFox still wins over the speed. ;-)
D. Internet Speed
If you are still using 56K bandwidth, there is nothing we can do about it :-(
Perhaps you should consider upgrading it. Make your life better.
E. Internet Service Provider, known as ISP
If your Internet is running irregularly slow, it is most probably the problem caused by the ISP rather than our website. Oops, but this is true. Perhaps you should try calling the helpline of your ISP to check it out. (Duu Duu.. Duu Duu.. Sorry, nobody is on the helpline, and everyone is out for a tea break. Please leave a voice message after DUU.)
F. Spyware / Virus / Worms, known as malware
Download free and reasonably good Anti Spyware and Anti Virus and we suggest :
i. Spybot : http://fileforum.betanews.com/detail/Spybot_Search_and_Destroy/1043809773/1
ii. AVG : http://www.download.com/AVG-Anti-Virus-Free-Edition/ 3000-2239_4-10320142.html?part=dl-AVGAntiVir&subj=dl&tag=button&cdlpid=10760089
iii. Use Insect Rebellion. Spray Spray.. Psssshhhh...
Hope this helps ya ;-)
With compliments,
PotatoCream
Read more : Our Happy Clients.
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